You’re aware that a whole lot of exotic movies have been shot in Hawaii, as is the TV series “Lost.” You might correctly assume the most exotic locations would be found on the island of Kauai with its amazing verdure, or the Big Island with its other-world-like terrain.
But imagine you were location scouting for the first “Jurassic Park” film, looking for dense rainforestation; broad, open valleys and rich, green cliff faces through which the producers’ fantastic prehistoric creatures could roam and scamper.
Well, they found exactly what they were looking for on the island of Oahu, less than an hour from Honolulu.
Kualoa Ranch is a 4,000-acre working cattle ranch, spread between steep mountain cliffs and the sea, on the northeastern side of the island. More than just a pretty place, it’s truly a great setting for outdoor recreation, accessible only by horseback, on an all-terrain vehicle or by hiking. And, far from being remote and unattended, it’s one of the ten most popular visitor attractions among all the islands. There are two major areas of the ranch. The northern half includes K`a`a`awa Valley, which contains many of the movie location sites, and the southern half that includes Hakipu`u Valley, the 800 year-old Moli’i fishpond, and Secret Island. If the ranch’s views look familiar, you may have seen them in other movies such as “Windtalkers,” “Pearl Harbor,” “Godzilla,” “Tears of the Sun” or “50 First Dates,” or in other TV shows such as “Hawaii Five-O” or “Magnum P.I.”
The ranch offers one- and two-hour horseback tours, on which riders take different trails beneath the cliffs and overlooking the ocean. Vistas of the famed "Chinaman’s Hat" island and ancient Hawaiian fishponds combine spectacular scenery with the old saying that there’s nothing as good for the inside of a person as the outside of a horse.
Or you may choose to take it all in by navigating an ATV through trails deep into the scenic valleys and to remote areas rarely visited by others. The ranch’s tours go out in all weather, through the dirt and crossing seasonal streams. One- and two- hour tours are available.
Kualoa is one of the most historically significant destinations on Oahu. In ancient times, it was considered sacred land. In 1850, Dr. Gerrit P. Judd purchased the land from King Kamehameha III and the property has remained in the family since. The current family owners strive to be model stewards of the ‘aina (land) by preserving and protecting it from development.
If you’d like to learn more, or to work a visit to this wonderful place into your vacation plans, pick an agent from the Hawaii-Aloha Web site home page, or call 1-800-843-8771.
Posted by Jim Winpenny
Related Links:
Discovering Kualoa Ranch Moli’li Fishpond
Indiana Jones 4 Filmed on Big Island
Ride a Horse on Your Hawaii Vacation
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February 27th, 2009
Most humor is universal. Funny is funny. Humor in Hawaii, though, is mostly inside, not interpretable by people who don’t live — or haven’t lived — among us. When you vacation here, you have to be careful with it.
Consider a large family – yours or one you know fairly well. The siblings in the family fight among themselves, insult and ridicule each other, find fault with each other and openly criticize each other. If someone outside of the family were to attempt the same approach with a family member, the siblings would take offence, unite, and even become hostile.
That’s how we joke and kid in Hawaii. We can be brutally insulting among ourselves, but we get downright sensitive if an interloper tries to chime in similarly.
Our local humor is almost entirely ethnic. While in most areas of the country one must be discreet when telling a Jewish joke or a Polish joke or an Italian joke, it’s free for all in Hawaii.
Caucasians (haoles) and Japanese comprise the two largest ethnic groups in Hawaii, followed by Native Hawaiians, Filipinos, Chinese, Koreans, Southeast Asians, African Americans, Samoans, Tongans, and still others. Australians, New Yorkers, San Franciscans, Southerners, Irish and Italians all get lumped together in Hawaii, much the same as Asian Americans are lumped together on the mainland. And we’re so homogenized, there’s no way to be “discreet.”
The following are omnipresent examples of local humor (Some parental discretion suggested):
• A Chinese chef marries. His new wife’s a virgin and he himself isn’t very experienced. In bed for the first time, he tries to reassure her: “I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, so
whatchou want?”
She replies shyly, "I wan… numba 69."
He says, “"You want … Beef wif Broccori?"
• Someone who is part Podagee and part Japanee would have a lot to say … but wouldn’t wanna talk about it.
• Someone who is part Filipino and part Hawaiian “like fo’ clean yard, but no more land fo’ clean.”
• What’s the difference between “select” and “choose”? Select is when you pick out something; choose is what Filipinos wear on their feet.
• Why do the Portuguese have bean soup for dinner on Friday nights? So they can take one bubble bath on Saturday morning.
• How did da potagee try kill da bird? He wen throw um off da cliff.
• How did God create a Samoan? He sandblasted an ape.
• Where da only place you can find a Samoan behind the wheel of a Lexus, Porsche, or Rolls Royce? At da car wash.
A venerable (and enormously popular) local comedian has made his living creating and delivering ethnic jokes. His most recognizable character is the shy accountant Glenn Miyashiro. In his bits the comedian has sold the stereotype that seventy-five percent of local Japanese males between the ages of 25 and 40 have the first name Glenn. Fifty-seven percent’s surname is Miyashiro. Ninety-nine percent of them wear tucked-in reverse-print aloha shirts and drive Toyotas. They marry girls named Laurie Yamaguchi and have three children, Justin, Jason and Jessica. He sings this observation to the tune of “Guantanamero.”
In the islands, we think this stuff is funny. But when visitors attempt to join in with their own interpretations, we recoil.
So while you’re here, by all means join the fun … but tread lightly.
Posted by Jim Winpenny
October 23rd, 2008
