Hawaii’s Humor Minefield

October 23rd, 2008

Most humor is universal.  Funny is funny.  Humor in Hawaii, though, is mostly inside, not interpretable by people who don’t live — or haven’t lived — among us.  When you vacation here, you have to be careful with it.

Consider a large family – yours or one you know fairly well.  The siblings in the family fight among themselves, insult and ridicule each other, find fault with each other and openly criticize each other.  If someone outside of the family were to attempt the same approach with a family member, the siblings would take offence, unite, and even become hostile.

That’s how we joke and kid in Hawaii.  We can be brutally insulting among ourselves, but we get downright sensitive if an interloper tries to chime in similarly.

Our local humor is almost entirely ethnic.  While in most areas of the country one must be discreet when telling a Jewish joke or a Polish joke or an Italian joke, it’s free for all in Hawaii.

Caucasians (haoles) and Japanese comprise the two largest ethnic groups in Hawaii, followed by Native Hawaiians, Filipinos, Chinese, Koreans, Southeast Asians, African Americans, Samoans, Tongans, and still others.  Australians, New Yorkers, San Franciscans, Southerners, Irish and Italians all get lumped together in Hawaii, much the same as Asian Americans are lumped together on the mainland.  And we’re so homogenized, there’s no way to be “discreet.”

The following are omnipresent examples of local humor (Some parental discretion suggested):

       •  A Chinese chef marries.  His new wife’s a virgin and he himself isn’t very experienced.  In bed for the first time, he tries             to reassure her: “I know dis   you fus time and you berry frighten.  I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, so        
           whatchou want?”

           She replies shyly, "I wan… numba 69."

           He says, “"You want … Beef wif Broccori?"

       •  Someone who is part Podagee and part Japanee would have a lot to say … but wouldn’t wanna talk about it.

       •  Someone who is part Filipino and part Hawaiian “like fo’ clean yard, but no more land fo’ clean.”

       •  What’s the difference between “select” and “choose”?   Select is when you pick out something; choose is what Filipinos            wear on their feet.

       •  Why do the Portuguese have bean soup for dinner on Friday nights?  So they can take one bubble bath on Saturday                morning.

       •  How did da potagee try kill da bird?  He wen throw um off da cliff.

       •  How did God create a Samoan?  He sandblasted an ape.

       •  Where da only place you can find a Samoan behind the wheel of a Lexus, Porsche, or Rolls Royce?  At da car wash.

A venerable (and enormously popular) local comedian has made his living creating and delivering ethnic jokes.  His most recognizable character is the shy accountant Glenn Miyashiro.  In his bits the comedian has sold the stereotype that seventy-five percent of local Japanese males between the ages of 25 and 40 have the first name Glenn.  Fifty-seven percent’s surname is Miyashiro.  Ninety-nine percent of them wear tucked-in reverse-print aloha shirts and drive Toyotas.  They marry girls named Laurie Yamaguchi and have three children, Justin, Jason and Jessica.  He sings this observation to the tune of “Guantanamero.”

In the islands, we think this stuff is funny.  But when visitors attempt to join in with their own interpretations, we recoil.

So while you’re here, by all means join the fun … but tread lightly.

Posted by Jim Winpenny

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